Hildegard kept a Gorilla.
Hildegard kept this Gorilla in a box.
Hildegard was kind to animals and women so the box he kept the Gorilla in was not a match box, although he did have an identical box in his garden shed, this box was kept in anticipation of, one day keeping a woman.
The identical box was clean, with fresh straw on the floor. The Gorilla's box was tastefully decked out with Regency curtains and a on suit bathroom. The identical box had a full length rococo mirror on the wall with a large photograph of a slug pasted over it, this Hildegard hoped would improve the 'self esteem' of any woman that Hildegard may one day keep.
Hildegard was not well informed about the gentle sex, however he was an expert on woman. He, Hildegard knew for example that women were able to teleport material from one location to another, this amazing ability was a mono-directional mechanism that permitted money to be transferred from a mans wallet, or 'bill fold' if you are one of our American cousins, in to a woman's purse.
Hildegard had heard many stories about Gorilla's but he had heard a hell of a lot more about women, and these stories to a not inconsiderable degree, frightened him. He had for example heard that women sit down to dinner and empty their bladder. This horrified Hildegard and so he stopped visiting restaurants and frequenting 'takeaways'. This lead to a downturn in the local economy and the local immigrants, sometimes called foreigners, returning to their or someone else's, homeland.
The local pinko liberal residents went epileptic and the Green Party misread the statistics. The whole area became degraded and the price of toxic debt went up. House prices took a tumble that had considerable similarities to a train wreck. The 'rich folk' bought the cheap houses, resurfaced the roads with Laura Ashley design tarmac and lived in tax avoidance luxury. Indeed some of the 'rich folk' were so rich that there was not enough money to help the poor out of poverty.
The Conservatives lowered the bar of the minimum wage level thus creating optimism and a feel good factor that completely blinded the non rich who knew that money did not buy happiness. How the not rich knew this was a complete mystery to Hildegard's Gorilla and many other thinking sentient beings. Be that as it may Hildegard's Gorilla did not as much a raise a hair about the plight of the non rich, as long as the cleaner came every day and someone removed the faeces from the walls, the poor could, as far a Hildegard's Gorilla was concerned 'go and sling their hook's'.
And sling their hooks they did, they fished in Major Keller's pond till all the exorbitant koi carp who were the denizens of the lake were no longer denizens of the lake. Fairfax Blakely's trout, his fish not his wife, went the same way and never an apple of pear made it to the masters table. The jobless total went down as more and more people found work, albeit as criminals but this meant that more police officers were recruited and the 'out of work' statistics went into the negative. A solution to this dilemma was mooted by non-other than the Archbilker of Canterbury and because everyone wants everyone else to see that they believe in dog the Archbilker's argument was accepted and enacted. Forty three million two hundred an forty-seven immigrants were re-immigrated.
The coal mines were reopened and the ninety-seven hour working week was introduced. Some people thought the ninety-seven hour week was for economic reasons, yet even a first year sociologist could understand that the reasoning behind the long working week was to keep the 'rich folk' from the unpleasant experience of seeing immigrants.
A strenuous effort was made by the ''rich folk' to segregate 'god's chosen' from
the general populous and this effort was redoubled when the 'rich folk' realised
that they were 'god's chosen'. The saga goes on and on like a Norse story, which
is quite odd as never a one of the immigrants or re-immigrates came from the