The Great Acapulco Scandal.

    If and only if you are the kind of person who has friends, no comment, who have taken more than one holiday down in Acapulco then you should have received from 'Central Government' a small booklet (pale blue) that explaines how to deal with this issue. If and only if you have received from Central Government the small pale blue booklet, as this document is in essence a copy of the contents of the small pale blue booklet then you may proceed no further, your choice.

    The small pale blue booklet is a series of instructions and bits of advice for dealing with the consequences of having a friend who has on more than one occasion holidayed 'Down in Acapulco'. Primarily you should look for signs that the person has holidayed more than once 'Down in Acapulco', if you detect no signs then you may relax, though you are advised not to do your relaxing 'Down in Acapulco' or at least not more than once.

The signs to lookout for in people who have more than once holidayed 'Down in Acapulco' are things like one ear becoming more splayed than the remaining ear, it is usually the left ear that becomes more splayed although there are cases of the right ear becoming more splayed, so you will need to be vigilant. There are several other indicators that you should note, for example the development of uneven attributes like slightly different sizes of the feet or one nostril marginally smaller than the other. The marginally smaller nostril may not be directly attributed to holidaying 'Down in Acapulco' to ascertain the likelihood of it being indicative of the person holidaying 'Down in Acapulco' you will need to check the finger size of the suspect and how often they indulge in unpleasant habits.

    Further observation will need to be made before you report this person to the authorities this is particularly true if one of the observations reveals an extreme unbalanced displacement of size between your bank account and that of the more than once holidaying 'Down in Acapulco' person. In this case not only should you inform the authorities you should send an unsigned anonymous letter to the tax man.



Should it be that you are an Australian and you are unfortunately still resident in Australia you have my sympathy and you will need to change 'Down in Acapulco' to 'Up in Acapulco'. However all other advice remains the same.